Parental Guidance (2012)
ARTIE- Billy Crystal, ALICE- Marisa Tomie
Alice– What happened to us, Dad?
Artie– How old were you when Harper was born?
Did you know what you were doing?
Artie– I was 23 when you came along.
And I was terrified, because you didn’t come with any instructions.
And I thought I was doing okay.
Because unlike my father, I wasn’t constantly telling you…
what an annoying little waste of time you were…
and believe me, I’m cleaning that up.
And I thought that we were actually having fun.
Me and the weather girl…
and the cutest little girl you ever saw, traveling around the country.
But then years go by, and your daughter goes off to college…
and she doesn’t come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Or summers. Or ever.
And you get these clues, this inkling…that perhaps all those years she wasn’t having such a good time…
and that maybe she thought you didn’t do such a good job. And that really hurts. Doesn’t it?
Artie– So, little girl, I have to give you three put-ups.
Alice– No, Dad. Please.
Artie– It’s okay. Harper, Turner, Barker. They’re great kids and you’re a really good mother.
Alice-Yeah. I’m basking in the glow of my children’s affection.
Artie-Harper? She didn’t mean anything. I mean, she’s 12.
Get ready, it’s going to get a lot worse. Only, don’t let her turn her back on you.
Because that will break your heart.